


Heart's A Mess

by ParadoxProphet



Series: 100 Songs Challenge [9]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunkenness, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Hate to Love, I've never written Overwatch so I really hope I didn't screw up their characters, Junkrat is a different person when drunk, Potentially OOC, Some other pairings in the background if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 23:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9521666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxProphet/pseuds/ParadoxProphet
Summary: Your heart's a messYou won't admit to itIt makes no sense, but I'm desperate to connectAnd you can't live like thisMei was convinced that Junkrat was nothing more than a bully, but he knew something she didn't expect him to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, I finally got this fic made. I wanted to make a fic based on this song for a while, but I kept switching between which ship I wanted to use. Then I got into Meihem and figured this was a good emotional song for them so I picked them. Then I finally got off of my lazy ass and wrote this thing.
> 
> I haven't played Overwatch, and I only really know about the lore, so if anyone's OOC than I'm sorry but I really wanted to write this and thought it would be emotional and cute. I don't know if I'll be making any more fics for Overwatch, so don't expect anything.

Mei-Ling Zhou considered herself to be a kind and caring person. Friendly to those around her, willing to help whenever it was needed, it was why she joined Overwatch in the first place. She wanted to help the environment and make the world a better place. She and her team were going to make sure of that. That is, until the incident.

They had to go into cryostasis, it was the only way to survive the storm. No one knew how long they'd be trapped and that only one person would survive.

So when Mei woke up to a very different world, all of her friends and comrades dead, their work all for naught, and Overwatch disbanded, it was certainly a shock to say the least. That moment changed her. She was still friendly to others, but she kept her distance. She didn't try to seek out other former members, only Winston really kept in touch with her and it was just once in a while to see how she was doing. She hadn't realized it, but she'd put up a wall of ice around herself.

It was a shock when Winston sent out the call, Overwatch was coming back, but she answered the call. She had expected to be reunited with old friends along with some new ones when she arrived at the Overwatch base, but she never expected coming across the one person she just couldn't find herself being nice to.

Mei had never met Junkrat personally, he had risen to infamy while she had been frozen, but she'd heard enough about him to develop an impression about him. He was a criminal, insane, a menace, a bully. She wanted nothing to do with the junker. In fact, she was hoping he never even saw her there. But luck was not on her side. The moment they'd locked eyes, Junkrat was grinning at her, stepping away from his bodyguard Roadhog and walking closer to her. He towered over her, she hadn't expected him to be so tall but she wasn't going to run away. She would just deal with whatever it was he wanted and walk away, never bothering with him again.

He didn't seem to say anything at first, choosing to just look over her. It gave her a better look at his features. He was filthy, covered in ash and dirt. Patches of his hair were missing, no doubt from him blowing it up she bet. His arm and leg were hastily put together, a mess of spare parts that she couldn't believe were actually functioning. The silence went on much longer than she would've liked. If he had something to say, then he should just say it! She opened her mouth, prepared to give him a piece of her mind, when he finally spoke.

"Brrrr. I get cold just lookin' at ya." he said with a snicker.

That was it? A stupid joke?! That's the reason he came up to her and stared her down?!

"Then you should look somewhere else!" she said, huffing away before she could even get a response. She didn't have time for this, why were those two even here in the first place? They were criminals! People like them had no place in Overwatch! Winston would later explain to her that they'd been invited to put their skills to good use, and to hopefully help clean up their acts. Not that it would do them any good. People like that didn't change, no matter how hard you tried.

Future interactions with the junker were similar. He tried making a stupid joke at her expense, causing her to get angry at him. And she was never afraid to tell him just how she felt about him, calling him a no-good bully or terrible or a fool, but he just seemed to shrug it off like it was nothing, saying she was cold or that he considered himself a misunderstood freedom fighter. She didn't care why he was so intent on talking to her, she knew her opinion of him would never change.

Or so she thought.

A month later, Lena had decided it would be fun to throw a party at the base.It was to help boost friendship between the old and new members, she said. While most seemed to be all for the idea, Mei shrank away in silence. The last thing she wanted was a party, not just because it'd mean Junkrat would have a reason to try and talk to her, but because she was never very good at talking to people she didn't know. She had nothing against the others, Hana seemed like a strange but fun girl, and Lucio seemed to be the life of the party, she was even willing to say that Roadhog wasn't a bad guy from what little she'd heard him say, but trying to talk to them wasn't exactly what she had in mind for a fun evening. She wasn't ready to interact with everyone, not yet. The old wounds of her past still felt fresh.

She hadn't been paying attention to the others, but if she had she'd have seen a pair of eyes watch her as she looked down at the ground with a sad look on her face and leave in silence.

\--------------------------

The night of the party finally arrived, and Mei couldn't think of a single excuse for her to get out of it. Begrudgingly, she forced herself to go, hoping that she could just avoid most people and remain a wallflower. It'd be easier that way. The only problem was Junkrat, that man took every opportunity to try and mock her so surely he would do so here. But as time passed, she began to notice the lack of his signature cackle or loud voice. Not even the sound of his peg-leg hitting the floor could be heard.

She tried to scan the crowd, looking for the tall, skinny junker. Dr. Ziegler was having a conversation with Genji, Hana and Lucio were excitedly talking to each other over something but she couldn't tell what from where she was standing, Lena and Winston were laughing like old friends would, but there was no sign of Junkrat.

She shook her head, why was she concerned about Junkrat's whereabouts? As far as she knew, him not being here was a blessing! Yet she couldn't ignore the voice in her head telling her something strange was happening. She eventually spotted Roadhog, figuring that the two must be stuck together as always, but a closer look showed the larger man to be alone. Reluctantly, and against her better judgement, she decided to walk over and ask where Junkrat was. She needed these worries to stop, and the only way to make them was to get some answers. "Hi." she said to him. She wasn't very good at breaking the ice, ironically enough.

Roadhog didn't answer. He just looked down at the small woman wondering what she wanted.

"This sounds stupid, I know, but where's Junkrat?" Mei asked. "I haven't seen him around here and it's bothering me."

There was a long moment of silence, and at first she didn't think he was going to answer. "Don't know," Roadhog finally responded. "Haven't seen him all day."

"Oh, alright. Sorry for bothering you then." Mei said, making her way back to where she'd been standing before.

"You worried about him?" Roadhog asked, stopping Mei in her tracks. She turned to face him.

"Me? Worried about _him_? Of course not!" she insisted. "I've just been wondering why he hasn't shown up here! Probably intends to ruin the party with some big explosion, knowing him."

She couldn't tell from the mask covering his face, but she had a feeling that he was giving her a look of disbelief as there was more silence between them. "If you're so concerned about it, go find him yourself." he said.

"Fine, I will!" She turned back and made her way towards the exit.

"He's worried about you, just so you know." She heard Roadhog mutter.

She stopped. What did that mean? Junkrat, worried about her? That was just ridiculous! She didn't respond to him and just continued making her way outside.

Roadhog sighed as he watched her go. "She's just as stubborn as he is."

\------------------------

The fresh air gave Mei some relief. It felt good to be out of there. She was never a big fan of parties anyway. The cool night air blew against her coat, the silence making her feel comfortable. She walked along the outside of the base, lost in her thoughts. The quiet felt nice compared to the loud atmosphere inside. Unfortunately, the image of a crazed man reminded her why she was out here in the first place. She had to find Junkrat, before the man did something crazy or stupid. Or both.

She didn't bother calling out for his name, didn't want him to know she was out here looking for him or she'd never hear the end of it. She just walked around, keeping her eyes and ears open for some sign of the junker. He had to be here somewhere after all.

Suddenly, she began to hear light humming. It was a person, no doubt about it, but where was it coming from? She looked up, noticing the stairs leading up to the base's roof. It had to be coming from up there. Quietly, she ascended the stairs as she listened to the humming get louder and louder. It sounded nice, whoever was humming to themselves had a good voice. How come she'd never heard it before?

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, she was shocked at the sight before her. The source of the humming was none other than Junkrat, sitting on the roof with a few bottles of what appeared to be whisky sitting beside him. He hadn't noticed her yet, thank God, so she just stood there and watched him. Getting a closer look at him, it almost looked like he was sad. Not crying, but a solemn frown was there on his face as he stared at a bottle of whisky in his hand. This was too strange, Mei'd never seen the junker with anything but a crazed smile on his face, why would he possibly be sad, especially with a party going on inside? That seemed like it was up his element.

The junker looked at his arm, his prosthetic arm, and sighed as he squeezed the fingers together. His hand went through his patchy hair as he started to hum again.

Mei wasn't sure what to do. Yes, she'd found him and he didn't seem to be planning anything crazy or stupid, but he was drinking and she had no idea what he was like under the influence. Dealing with a sober Junkrat was bad enough, a drunken Junkrat didn't sound any better to her. But at the same time, he looked upset about something and was purposefully avoiding the party inside to sit out here in the cold and drink. She quietly sighed so he couldn't hear her. The least she should do is make sure the idiot wasn't going to freeze, she didn't like him but she wasn't heartless and someone had to help him it seemed. She walked closer to him, beginning to regret what she was about to do and hoping he wouldn't remember any of this when he sobered up.

"Aren't you cold out here without a jacket?" she asked, crossing her arms. Her voice seemed to have startled the junker as he practically jumped where he sat and nearly dropped his whisky.

He turned to face her, a cocky-looking smile on his face or at least an attempted one. She could tell from the look that he was only trying to save face. "Well, well, well! If it ain't the ice queen 'erself! Wha'cha doin' out here?" he asked.

"I should be asking you that question," Mei said, already starting to get irritated with him. "The party's inside, you know."

"Don' wanna be there," he says, taking a swig from the bottle in his hand before letting out a sigh. "Parties ain't my thing."

Mei was confused, this didn't seem like the junker at all. He seemed too calm, too laid-back, nothing like the man she'd witnessed the past few weeks. His usual energy seemed to be gone, was it the alcohol? "Then why are you sitting out here without a coat?" she asked.

Junkrat shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno," he said. "Ain't used to this weather, but I can 'andle it." A sudden gust of wind blew past them, and Mei could see the man shivering. She fought back the urge to snark at him, there was no way she'd stoop to his level, and took off her coat.

"Here, wear this at least." She held it out to him, waiting for him to take it. Instead, he just stared at her as if he'd been told the world was going to end. It didn't seem right, she was actually hoping for the crazed smile to come back at this rate.

"But ain't ya gonna be cold then?" he asked her.

"I used to work in the arctic, I can handle a bit of chilly weather." she insisted, pushing the coat forward as if she were demanding he take it.

Reluctantly, he took the coat and wrapped it around his shoulders, not putting his arms in the sleeves. In that moment, something about him looked different. He didn't seem like the crazed criminal madman, he looked more like a sad child huddling for warmth. It was almost cute. Mei quickly tried to shake that thought out of her head. There was no way she would see Junkrat as cute or any similar word.

"Why don'cha take a seat?" Junkrat said, patting the space next to him invitingly. Mei was about to protest until he spoke again. "Ya don' look like a party person either, I can feel it in me gut."

She slowly sat down, wondering what had gotten into him. There was no way this was just alcohol, he was acting like a different person almost. He never cared about her, did he?

There was nothing but silence between the two. Mei had no idea what to say to him, especially with him drowning in whiskey. She barely spoke to him as is, how could she talk to him now? But she couldn't just sit there without talking. She looked over at him as she opened her mouth to speak, but could only stare at him.

Junkrat looked different under the moonlight. Maybe it was her imagination, but he seemed to look cleaner. There was still dirt and soot on his body, but she could've sworn she could see his skin for once. And his hair, she realized, wasn't burned or blown off. The patches were too clean, too smooth for it to have been burned ir shaved off. She hadn't been to Australia, but she was fully aware of the condition it and the people there were in. His hair had been falling out due to radiation.

She must have been staring for too long, because Junkrat turned and gave her a confused look with the raise of an eyebrow. He tried to smirk after a moment. "Ya checkin' me out there, Sheila?" Mei felt her face heat up, but before she could retort Junkrat laughed. "I'm jokin', I know I ain't a looka. What with me 'air fallin' out an' all," He looked down at his prosthetic arm with longing. "After what 'appened no one would eva' think I'm a catch."

"Junkrat, what happened to you?" Mei asked.

He seemed to be shocked at the question, his eyes going wide as he looked back at her. "Don't rememba'." he said. "I was a tyke when it 'appened. Most I can recall is the pain, me arm an' leg bein' gone, and bein' alone." He took another long sip of whiskey.

"...You were alone?" Mei asked, feeling a tinge of sympathy. "But what about your parents?"

Junkrat set the bottle down. "Dunno," he said. He looked out into the night sky, avoiding Mei's face. "Neva knew me dad. Wasn't a part of me life. He just left mum there after she got knocked up, I guess."

"And you mother? What about her?" Mei asked. "It sounds like you remember her."

A sad laugh escaped his lips. "Barely. Can't even rememba' 'er face no more," he said. "Pretty sure she died back then. Not many survived, ya know," He took yet another sip of whiskey, emptying the bottle and tossing it aside as he grabbed for another one. His eyes glazed over at the memory. "Sometimes I wonder who the lucky ones were: the ones who died, or those of us still livin'."

"I'd say you're one of the lucky ones," Mei said. "You're here, you're alive, that's what matters right?" She couldn't explain it, but she felt some kind of pull towards the junker in that moment. Maybe it was just because he was getting more drunk by the minute and was bringing the skeletons out of his closet, but something about his story was drawing her in. 

Junkrat just laughed again. "If that's wha'cha wanna think, I ain't gonna stop ya," he said. "All I know is that the boy called Jamison Fawkes was dead that day, an' now Junkrat's all that's left of 'im."

The silence returned as Mei took it all in. She knew the gist of what the country was like and what the people who lived there had turned into, but she never thought someone like Junkrat-no, Jamison-was so broken from it all. "Why are you telling me all this?" she finally asked, twirling a loose strand of her hair with her finger. "I've been avoiding you this whole time, and you decided to spill your heart out to me, but why?"

Jamison sighed. "Ain't it obvious?" he asked. Mei just shook her head. "It's 'cause ya know what it's like ta be lonely."

Mei just looked at him as if she were a deer in the headlights. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"What, ya think I can't see how ya avoid everyone?" Jamison asked, taking a quick swig.

Mei's cheeks puffed out. "I do _not_ avoid everyone!" she insisted.

Jamison laughed, and not a broken sad laugh like he'd been doing the entire time, but a genuine one. "Are ya kiddin'? Sure, ya talk ta people an' chat 'em up, but do ya really know anyone? Have ya taken the time ta get ta know 'em?"

Mei tried to retort, but she realized he was right. She talked with the other members of Overwatch, but she didn't really know them. She'd never really listened to their stories or stuck around for them, she just said her hellos and made small talk before going her own way. She looked down at her knees and sighed as she hugged her legs close to her chest.

"Thought so," Jamison said. The silence returned again as he took more swigs of whiskey. "I know what 'appened to ya."

The statement surprised Mei as she looked up from her knees and over at the junker. "Cryogenic failure, all yer comrades froze ta death leavin' ya the sole survivor," he went on. "Ya lost everyone ya cared for jus' like that," He snapped his fingers. "Then ya went out on yer own an' built up a wall between you an' the rest of the world. Even now, ya can't bring yerself ta stay around people. Am I right?"

Mei was at a loss for words, how on earth did _he_ know her inner troubles? He was just a junker who stole things and was a pyromaniac! But as this conversation seemed to be proving, he wasn't. She was just as messed up as him, and she didn't even realize it.

Suddenly. the feeling of metal against her skin snapped her out of her thoughts. She turned around to see Jamison's hand was reached out towards her face, wiping away at something. "Hey, sorry, I didn't mean ta make ya cry there." Cry? What was he talking about? She wiped her face with her own arm and found out that yes, he was right, tears were falling down her cheeks.

"Don't be sorry," she said, feeling his hand leave her face. She was surprised, she'd expected it to have been cold as ice but the hand had been warm and comforting. Like a small fire almost. Part of her wanted it to stay there. "Well if you understand me, then why are you always picking on me?" she asked, a hint of built-up anger in her voice.

It seemed that the silence couldn't truly go away, as all had gone quiet while the junker sat there and thought. "I wanted ya ta laugh."

"What?"

"I wasn't tryin' ta pick on ya," Jamison said. "I jus' thought that maybe tryin' ta get ya ta laugh would help ya open up or somethin'. I'm not that good with people though it looks like."

"You mean, you were just trying to help me?" Mei asked, her heart beginning to beat faster.

"Of course!" Jamison said. He began to down another bottle of whiskey.

Mei didn't know what to think anymore. All this time she'd seen Junkrat as nothing but a no-good bully, but all the jabs and jokes were to make her smile. "But why me?" she asked. "I'm nobody special."

"I like ya," he said. "I think yer pretty, an' nice. I didn't like seeing ya be so distant an' cold. Yer heart's a mess and ya won't admit to it. But ya can't live like this."

This was a dream. It had to be a dream. There was no way Jamison had said she was pretty. She pinched herself in the arm, hoping she'd wake up, but she was still sitting on that roof with a Jamison who was getting more intoxicated with every second, which was likely the reason why he was suddenly so willing to talk to her like this. She silently prayed that he wouldn't remember this once he sobered up.

But at the same time, she was happy she was up here with him. Part of it was probably because she didn't want to be at the party, but she was actually enjoying her time with him. If only he could be more like this when he was sober.

"So um, what were you humming before I came up here, Jamison?" she asked, trying to change the conversation.

He seemed to be startled by being called by his first name, but he tried to shrug it off. "Oh, just some old song I'd heard as a kid," Jamison said. "Don't rememba the words all too well, but it kinda makes me think of ya for some reason."

"Do you...think you could sing it again?" Mei asked, trying to look away. "Your voice sounds nice."

"Well, uh, I guess?" Jamison said, shocked by the request as his face turned red, whether from the alcohol or emotions would never be known. "But only fer you, Snowflake." he insisted.

He started humming again, the sound relaxing Mei's soul. She wanted to deny it, she wanted to stop it, but it was clear to her that she had begun falling for Jamison "Junkrat" Fawkes. If anyone asked she'd deny it, she had a reputation to uphold after all, but hopefully he was too drunk to realize it. She needed time. She wasn't ready for a relationship just yet.

\---------------------------

She didn't even notice that she'd fallen asleep right there on the roof until she woke up on a couch inside the base the next morning. The only one there was Lena, who seemed to be making some breakfast in the kitchen. "Oh, you're awake! Mornin' Mei! You sleep well, luv?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Mei said, rubbing the tiredness out of her eyes. "How'd I get here though?"

"Ya stepped outside at some point and fell asleep on the roof!" Lena explained. "Junkrat found you there and got Roadhog to bring you in here. Someone had to watch you, so I called Emily and told her I wouldn't be home so I could keep an eye on ya!"

Mei smiled at the thought. Clearly he wasn't being totally honest, but it didn't matter. "Where is Jamison anyway?" she asked.

"Don't know. He left last night after he said you were on the roof," Lena answered. "It's weird though, the guy's gone most of the night, and then he shows up to say you're sleeping on the roof! Anyway, I hope you like eggs, because I made some for breakfast! I figured you'd be hungry and all!"

Mei giggled a bit. He was probably recovering from what was no doubt a massive hangover. No one could drink that much whiskey and not feel it bite them in the morning. She felt happy at the thought though that Jamison wasn't a bad guy after all.

Though he did remember everything that happened that night and would proceed to tease her about it the next time they met.


End file.
